Dear Mommy:

Maybe Cee-Lo Green would say that this was a problem for my daddy, but mommy, I wanted to complain about some people who I thought were my friends. See, being a friend usually means that it's fun to play together and do stuff and we like the same toys and stuff, but on Saturday my friends were very very mean to me.

I was going to play with my lincoln logs and atari on Saturday, but my friends said we should go ride bikes. Since I like being friends with my friends I said, "okay" and agreed that we should ride bikes together. Sometimes we do that at my house and sometimes at my friend's house. Maybe I should have asked you, mommmy, if it was all right because my friends wanted to ride bikes on the highway instead of in our driveway. But since I like being friends with my friends I said, "okay" and met them on the highway. Highway 195.

From there, we started riding up a hill. A long hill. And then we started riding in the wind. A lot of wind. And then they started to go fast. A lot of fast. And then my legs started to hurt and my lungs started to burst and then my eyes started leaking. It looked like crying but I'm too big a boy to cry, so it must have been water leaking from my eyes because of the wind. And then it started to rain, which was good because you couldn't see the tears, I mean leaking, from my eyes.

I like being friends with my friends, but they weren't playing nice. I tried to go home like you told me I should do if my friends aren't being good friends, but they wouldn't let me. They told me that instead of going where they wanted to go, that because I said I would go home they said they would go another way that would be easier for me. But they said it like I couldn't keep up with them, which would make me mad except it was true so it just made me sad so I said, "okay", but then they went a different way but they still kept going fast and the wind kept blowing and it kept raining and my legs kept hurting and my lungs kept bursting and my eyes kept leaking until it was finally time to go home.

I was happy to be home and away from my friends that weren't being good friends and then I decided to drink beer and after a while my legs stopped hurting and my lungs stopped bursting and my eyes stopped leaking and everything was okay, except I don't want to go ride bikes with my friends anymore because I'm not sure if they really are my friends. I think beer is my friend now.

Thanks for listening mommy. I feel better now.
Rider Three